Saturday, September 28, 2013

Attitude is Everything


I don't know if it's the beautiful fall weather today or looking through my closet at all the fun clothes I'm about to pull out, but today is feeling pretty wonderful. :) I'm so thankful today for my health, the weather, my job, and you all.

While school has been quite the change for me, I have to tell you about some revelations that I have been having recently. My mindset has been changing and for the first time in a long time, I am realizing that this journey was so much bigger than me. It's taken me over two years to see this so clearly.

Sometimes it's easier for me to make a list so I think I'll start there:

1) Last week at WW, we sat around in our group and starting talking about why we joined WW to begin with. This dicussion led us into an even deeper discussion about our motives and how we view ourselves as people. While I am the youngest in the group, I feel so connected to these women because they all have the same struggle that I do. I relate to them on such a deep level. As we were talking, I brought up the fact that I didn't feel worthy. Being overweight had led to this terrible self image and this mindset that I wasn't good enough and that no one could ever love me because of what I had done to my body. I had used and abused it and gained 100 pounds in the process. When I looked around the group, these women had tears in their eyes, which of course made me tear up as well. When I finished, so many women voiced the same feeling. The other women started opening up as well and let me tell you, it was one of the most powerful things I have experienced in WW so far. We were completely honest and raw with the group and we were connected in the same spirit. I left that meeting feeling more alive than ever and wanting to not only to succeed for myself, but I wanted to succeed for these women. I wanted to beat obesity not only for me but for these women as well. There were so many beautiful faces in that crowd and I am so proud of the work they are doing on themselves.

2) I know that I have about 40 pounds more to go, but I've been thinking: I may want to be a WW leader sometime. I know it's off in the future but after the meeting we had, I was more inspired than ever to help other people get healthy as well. I want to tell other people that it's possible. I want to tell other people that even when it's hard and that pizza looks so damn good, the results are better than anything you can imagine. I want to tell people that not only does your outside change and your pant size drops, it's your insides that make the real difference. The confidence I had gained and the outlook I have on my body is something I would have never thought possible. I can now look in a mirror without disgust or shame. I can look at my body and know that while it's not perfect (and won't ever be) it's beautiful in its own way. I'm proud of how far I've come and want to encourage others who feel like they can't do it to know that indeed, YES THEY CAN!

We've only got one life to live and I'm living it. While my mistakes are huge and I fall constantly, I know these two years are going to be one I look back on as life changing and beautiful.

Sending my love!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Hot Pants


So... I have had such high hopes for this blog. I dreamed it would be this online journal for me for to really track my progress in my weight loss journey. Don't get me wrong, I've read through all of my posts multiple times and am glad I started it but let me tell you, sometimes my procrastination gets the best of me. Trust me, I have lots to say but when it comes right down to it,  I have been too lazy, too tired, too ashamed, and too unmotivated to sit and write. So my apologies from the start for lacking in my weight loss thoughts. The blog isn't what I thought it would be but I'm happy that if you're reading this right now, you're still with me in this journey. And for that, I'm SO thankful!


I have to share a story with you that literally brought me so much JOY! 

I just got home for the summer and I have been taking a stab at my room. I have so much junk in it and I wanted to do a huge purge of all of the clutter. In my crazy cleaning mode, I found this pair of jeans in the back of my closet. I pulled them out and couldn't believe it. These pair of jeans were a size 22 and definitely from the heaviest period in my life. I recognized these jeans right away because they were the only jeans I felt comfortable in. I remember buying them because they had a spandex like feel to them and were stretchy. I felt like I could hide in them. When I turned them over, I noticed a huge hole in the thigh area because I had major "chub rub" and my thighs rubbed together so much that it made the fabric fall apart. I stared at them. I had to soak them in. Is this really what I looked like? 

I immediately wanted to try these pants on. I wanted to see what it felt like. I put them on and you guys - they fell right off! I couldn't believe it. I RAN up the stairs holding my pants by the belt loops and shouted for my mom. When I took my hands off my pants, they fell down again and I started laughing this belly laugh. IT FELT SO GOOD. If there was a time that I needed to be reminded of how far I have come, it was this day. I felt like I had conquered the world. 

I can't express to you my emotions. They are all over the map. My joy is immeasurable. While I know I still have pounds to shed, I am so proud of the progress I have made so far! It has not only been a physical journey, it's an emotional journey. I am a new woman. I am more confident in who I am and I want to share with the world. I think other people can see it too. I know that girl who wore a size 22 jeans is no longer the same Hill that stands before you.

Today is a good day and I am beyond thankful for you and your support. Go for a bike ride today. Enjoy the sunshine. Thank God for the things you have. I know I will! 


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Begin Again.

Begin Again.

It seems fitting that the song that's playing in my iPod right now is just that - Begin Again. Taylor Swift never ceases to amaze me. Oh, how true this is ringing with me today.

After seeing many of you over Christmas Break, I came away feeling full in more ways than I can even describe. I felt whole again. I was filled with renewed excitement for life. It was one of those breaks where God truly reminded me of how lucky I am.

While I enjoyed my break throughly, I ate my way through mounds of chocolate, cakes, cookies, etc. You get the drift. I could feel myself not caring about what I put into my mouth which was a feeling I knew all too well in my previous "Hillary Fat Days" aka: EVERYDAY. I vowed that coming back up north would be a fresh start.

And so I truly did "Begin Again".

I started dancing in the shower. I started tracking my food religiously. I started filling my fridge with nothing but fruits and veggies. I started pre-packing my lunches for the week so that there were no excuses NOT to eat healthy throughout the day. I started finding moments where I could sit and be silent. I started finding time to ask God questions and pursue him earnestly. (Even when it isn't pretty. I think I spend more time complaining and whining about the little things rather than glorifying Him.) I started marking my calendar for upcoming exciting dates - (PHOENIX, I'm coming for you!). 

Now, did the weight immediately fall off my hips? Hell no. In fact, it's been more frustrating at times than it's ever been. I've been doing all the right types of things and last week I lost 1/2 pound at WW. WELL CRAP. (Have no fear, this week I lost almost 3 pounds!)  But like I said earlier, I had to begin again. I had to start fresh. I had to keep that "nothing-can-stop -this -WOMAN" attitude. I am remembering more and more that it's not just about a number on the scale. It's about being HEALTHY. I have one BODY that I can live this life with and I'm hoping that it's going to see me through marriage, kids, work, grandkids, etc. I WANT TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

And part of that is getting into a damn bikini. :)

So here's to finishing January strong and moving into February with a renewed vigor. We can survive these winter months. :)

I love you all dearly. Please keep me posted on how YOU are doing. I care so deeply about all of you.