I don't know if it's the beautiful fall weather today or looking through my closet at all the fun clothes I'm about to pull out, but today is feeling pretty wonderful. :) I'm so thankful today for my health, the weather, my job, and you all.
While school has been quite the change for me, I have to tell you about some revelations that I have been having recently. My mindset has been changing and for the first time in a long time, I am realizing that this journey was so much bigger than me. It's taken me over two years to see this so clearly.
Sometimes it's easier for me to make a list so I think I'll start there:
1) Last week at WW, we sat around in our group and starting talking about why we joined WW to begin with. This dicussion led us into an even deeper discussion about our motives and how we view ourselves as people. While I am the youngest in the group, I feel so connected to these women because they all have the same struggle that I do. I relate to them on such a deep level. As we were talking, I brought up the fact that I didn't feel worthy. Being overweight had led to this terrible self image and this mindset that I wasn't good enough and that no one could ever love me because of what I had done to my body. I had used and abused it and gained 100 pounds in the process. When I looked around the group, these women had tears in their eyes, which of course made me tear up as well. When I finished, so many women voiced the same feeling. The other women started opening up as well and let me tell you, it was one of the most powerful things I have experienced in WW so far. We were completely honest and raw with the group and we were connected in the same spirit. I left that meeting feeling more alive than ever and wanting to not only to succeed for myself, but I wanted to succeed for these women. I wanted to beat obesity not only for me but for these women as well. There were so many beautiful faces in that crowd and I am so proud of the work they are doing on themselves.
2) I know that I have about 40 pounds more to go, but I've been thinking: I may want to be a WW leader sometime. I know it's off in the future but after the meeting we had, I was more inspired than ever to help other people get healthy as well. I want to tell other people that it's possible. I want to tell other people that even when it's hard and that pizza looks so damn good, the results are better than anything you can imagine. I want to tell people that not only does your outside change and your pant size drops, it's your insides that make the real difference. The confidence I had gained and the outlook I have on my body is something I would have never thought possible. I can now look in a mirror without disgust or shame. I can look at my body and know that while it's not perfect (and won't ever be) it's beautiful in its own way. I'm proud of how far I've come and want to encourage others who feel like they can't do it to know that indeed, YES THEY CAN!
We've only got one life to live and I'm living it. While my mistakes are huge and I fall constantly, I know these two years are going to be one I look back on as life changing and beautiful.
Sending my love!