The past few weeks have been really hard, especially with Spring Break in the mix. Sometimes, I want to scream. Weight loss seems agonizingly slow and the differences in my body can be subtle. I get caught up playing the number game most of the time. You know the game I'm talking about. You get on the scale after a few days to notice you're up a 1/2 pound and you can't seem to figure out why. You convince yourself that you shouldn't have eaten this or that and then mope around the rest of the day feeling sorry for yourself and convincing yourself that tomorrow is a new day. You work really hard, eat well, sleep well, excersise well and then get to the scale for weigh in day only to be down a pound. Yes, you're happy that you've beat that stupid little half pound but you're also getting increasingly frustrated at how slow this process is. You add it up in your head that if you're only losing 1 pound a week for a year, you'll only be down 52 pounds and that's much less than you want. And then the week begins again and you battle over and over with yourself to not be in that same mind set and really work on it this week.
Okay - now that you're reading my daily self talk and I take a minute to re-read it as well, you can instantly see that I've been in this funk. It's not healthy to think like that. You, supportive friends of mine, know this. But me, battling every day to "be better" can be draining to say the least. Now, don't get me wrong. I've come a long way from a few short months ago. I'm not out of breath as fast, I am so much more flexible, I eat to be satisfied and never to be so full I feel like I'll bust, (Which I've actually learned I HATE. :) I see a difference in the way clothes fit me, I have more energy, and I'm beginning to see myself in a new light. It truly is gratifying to know that I'm becoming healthier, thinner. But you all know, the day in and day out of this journey can be more than difficult and recently I've been trapped in that.
These next few weeks, I am going to be working on becoming more positive. I am going to take notice of the good things I see and work to decrease the negative I speak.
Weight update: I got on the scale this morning and hit the lowest number I have seen in a long time! It brought me up to almost 18 pounds! WOWZERS!!! I literally just stared at the number thinking that I had read it wrong. HOLY COW. Now, I imagine Easter will give me a run for my money but here's hoping that I keep the same momentum and push through. My next goal is to hit 30 pounds by the time school gets out! That way, when I see you babes this summer, we can shop for swimsuits. :) CHAAA-CHING!
Happy Easter. God is Good.