Enough Said. :)

I've been meaning to put this up, ladies. :) CHAAA-CHING!! I'm currently at 11 pounds but the ribbon was just so cool I had to share. Can you tell I am motivated by ribbons and shiny things?! :) I'm now hoping to get to 15 by Spring Break. I think I can totally do it!! :) 

LOVE YOU GALS. You're incredible. The support is always felt. <3

PMS........Pre-Menstrual SUCKAGE

Yes. I said it. I HATE being a female sometimes. Last week was such a roller coaster and it was topped off with our favorite time of the month. Oh you know. 

Which can only mean on thing. 

I ate and ate and ate and did not feel guilty about it until Monday night when I realized I was up a pound. (** Note to all - I lost 2.4 pounds the week before!!) This meaning, I made my 10 and then gained back a pound. CRAP. I think it was the first week I felt really unmotivated and almost wanted to quiet. BUT FEAR NOT. I didn't let PMSUCKAGE get to me. I am bound and determined to get back what I gained and then some.

So here are my goals for the next month: 

1) TRACK MY FOOD. It's honestly harder every week. The first few weeks I was pretty good about it but as the weeks go on, I forget and just "guess". To fix this, I downloaded an app to help me track stuff. I am hoping that this works. 

2) Work out 5 days a week. I have only been working out about 3-4 and I know that if I really want to reach my goal I need to at LEAST do it 5 if not 6 days a week! 

3) Thanks to Lent, the little pop that I was drinking is now no longer going to be a problem. I gave up ALL pop for Lent and I couldn't be happier about this. I'm looking for new drinks that are healthy and have a little taste in them. Any suggestions? 

Keep me in your prayers ladies. You all are in mine. I LOVE YOU. 

Hill

I Believe In You and Me

My friends, 

Have you seen the Weight Watcher commercial with Jennifer Hudson before and after? :) The first time I saw it I was totally blown away. I honestly never thought much about J. Hudson before she lost the weight because now when I think about her, I think about how great she looks. But I realized once I saw this commercial she had a "before" too. She didn't always look the way she does. She had to work hard to get the body she has now. I think sometimes I forget that it just isn't a flip of a switch and I'll be bikini ready. It takes time, energy, and dedication. 

And let me tell you, I'm beginning to feel that in my bones. I feel more motivated than I have ever been and while results are slower, I'm still so excited. You know what I'm excited for? :D Let me just tell you, girlfriend:

1) The first time I see one of you girls after many months apart ( or anyone of our dear friends that I haven't seen in a while) and for someone to ask, "Have you lost weight?" I CAN'T WAIT TO SAY YES!!!!!!

2) Buying a bikini for the FIRST time in my life. (Not that I plan on wearing it because I think I'll still be very self conscious about my figure and the fact that my stomach has never seen the light of day!) I just want to have options and colors and sizes to choose from. I want to finally feel like a girl. I'm excited for that moment. 

3) Walking into a Kohls, JCPenny, Target, etc and KNOWING I can buy a piece of clothing. You would be surprised to know that those stores don't really carry a lot of XL or XXL. You wouldn't, really, if you're not that size but to the bigger girls, it's annoying to know your options are very limited in clothing. Maurices and Old Navy are really the only places I feel  I can get cute clothes my size. (Next time you're in a store, take a look. I think you'll be surprised at your findings.)

4) A difference in the way men treat me. ( I would go on a rant about this fact, but it would be so long. Just know that I think it's wrong to judge by appearance. It is so superficial but we ALL do it. I wish it wasn't that way. I DON'T want men to start noticing me just because I'm thinner than I was but I'm pretty sure that's about to happen and I just want to scream: I AM THE SAME PERSON SO WHY DIDN'T YOU LIKE ME BEFORE?!?!? I know what you're thinking right now. You don't sound happy about this. You sound mad. In a way, I am but in a sick selfish way, I am excited to potentially see a difference.

5) Last but not least, BEING HEALTHY FOR THE FIRST TIME. Having energy to be the best person I can be. That really is the most exciting part of this whole process. I want to around to see my future family. To see all of your beautiful faces. 

Thank you all, for loving me just the way I am and taking this journey with me. I feel you all often and miss you even more. 

**One last update: I weigh in tomorrow. I'm hoping to have lost 2 pounds, bringing my new total to almost 10 pounds in the past month! YEAHH! That's my goal. 10 pounds a month! Also - I currently am 18 pounds lighter than I was last year at this time! CHAAA-CHING!!!!

Hill

Is there an app for that?

Boy does time fly. I have been feeling incredibly guilty for not writing sooner than 2 months and I could give you the same old excuses about being busy and not having time but that would be a lie.

I've been lazy and selfish. I've wanted an app to do the writing for me. I didn't feel like writing a bunch of crap that you wouldn't want to read and that I dreaded writing. I didn't want to use the fluff.

But during the course of Christmas break, I had this breaking point. I realized that I need accountability. Talking with a few of you lovely women over New Years got me thinking. I have such support all over the country and it is a blessing to know that I am prayed for and thought about often but I needed something more. I needed something to keep me accountable here, in Cedarville. I needed to face my fears once and for all. My weight wasn't getting any better. I was very much at a stand still, using excuses like school to overlook my laziness.


Seriously... Why can't there be an app for that too?

And so.... I prayed that God would open a door for me. I wanted him to hit me in the face with an answer because I had been spending too much time avoiding truth.

BOY DID HE DO THAT.

A few weeks ago I had been browsing online to see if there would be a Weight Watchers meeting near me. Sure enough, God's answer, Part 1 - A WW meeting was starting the following week at First Union Church on Tuesday nights. I can practically walk out my door and be at the church. Plus, it was one of the few nights I don't have anything in my schedule.

God's awesomeness, Part II - The class required you pay for the entire 20 week series up front. 174 bucks. Ouch. BUT GOD KNEW I NEEDED THAT ACCOUNTABILITY. Now how to come up with the extra funds? Oh wait.....

God's faithfulness, Part III - School reimburses me for my travel for professional development days and they wrote me a check THAT WEEK for 152 bucks!!!!! I THREW A PARTY.

Needless to say, God truly did hit me in the face and I couldn't be more excited about it. Week 1 done- 4 pounds lighter and going strong. :)

So here's to you, my beloved friends. God is faithful in everything. Just pray and know that you are HIS.

Much love.
Hill

Holy WOW.

Well HIIIIIIII my beautiful friends!

I cannot BELIEVE that it is NOVEMBER! Not only that, it's the end of Novemeber and I have NO idea where time has gone. Wowzers. It has been the biggest roller coaster of my life and you know what, I AM LOVING EVER MINUTE OF IT.

Coming to the yoooooper was scary/nerve-racking/thrilling/mind blowing. I jumped in head first and it's been one of the biggest challenges/biggest blessings of my life. I have to completely depend on my man G-O-D to get me through. I was nervous about being new, not having a core friend group/community, and wondering if I would even survive living on my own. But sure enough, God has truly and honestly used this time to grab my heart and remind me once more how PERFECT his timing is. I spent months on months blaming him. Wondering when it was "my turn". I felt betrayed and tired. I felt like I wasn't measuring up to the world around me. I hated the state I was in but had no clue how to escape it. It's funny how He works. He has shown me SO many times how he always provide (hellllooooo, Jamaica anyone?) and I still wonder if he knows what the heck he is doing.  [insert smack on the head here]

So if you're reading this saying "Well now she's got it all together." You're mistaken. I definitely do NOT have it all together. Yes, I have job. Yes, I have a house and car. I am so thankful for those things. But..... I still have long ways to go before I have it "together". Trust me.

1)I have a helluva lot of loans that are about to kick in. HELP. I have no idea where all of the funds will come from but I know that this is partly why God provided this job. For that I am thankful.

2) I don't have a lot of friends up here. I am longing for that community we had a Hope. I wish I could just pocket you all up and take you with me where ever I go. Living alone does have it's perks but there are days when all I want is to walk out of my bedroom and have someone greet me. I'm sad. I don't get enough hugs in my day and you know how crucial those are to me.

3) I still look at Facebook and think to myself "I'm not measuring up." Believe me when I say that finding a job doesn't complete you. Yes, it has been incredible but I still have the same problems I had before I had a job. Remember  to keep your head up, friends. Where ever you are, whatever you're doing. God isn't just sitting on the sidelines. He is actively directing your life. Whether you feel him or not. I promise His loving hand is on you. I challange us all to think about the ways that God is providing for us this holiday season. Even in the little things. Don't be discouraged. You are WORTH it.

4) My weight. I am currently taking ZUMBA and it has been SO awesome. I am sore and tired but I can feel myself getting stronger and actually wanting to work out. It's awesome. It also helps that I can't really eat out up here because everything is so far away. I'm making my own food and working out on a regular basis. Mind you, I'm still getting into a pattern here, trying to find creative ways to work out on the days I don't do zumba but it's a process. I'm getting there.

So lift your head to the heavens. We've all got burdens. It's one day at a time. I'm just thankful for the chance to live this crazy life with people like you.

xoxoxo,
Hill

life is incredibly ironic.

Life is just so damn ironic, isn't it?!

First of all, I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE A JOB.

Secondly, I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM MOVING TO THE U.P.

MOSTLY, I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW LUCKY I AM.

I also can't believe how fitting this title of my blog is. It is MY time for change, in every aspect of my life. God has provided in ways I never thought possible. And let me just say, if I were him, I would have turned the other way a long freaking time ago. I spent an entire summer complaining and not trusting that he had something up his sleeve. I whined when things didn't got my way and pouted when other people got jobs. I was jealous and insecure, waiting for the moment I could change MY Facebook status to employed.

But he kept me waiting. And I wondered. I ate. I cried. I cursed. I ate some more. I wanted to feel like I was wanted somewhere.

And then this job in Greenville fell in my lap. I worked hard and I was exhausted. I finally felt complete ( in an odd sense). While the students were SO tough, my compassionate heart kicked in and I really did love those kids. Even in a months time. My mom said to me the other day, "Hillary, if you would have stayed with that class, I know you could have changed them around. I just know but. But this is what God wants for you and I have full faith that He will take care of your every need."

Thank you, Mom. I really did need to hear that.

And just when I think I've found my place, God said "Trust me, I have more in store." SAY WHAT?!? I thought I found what You wanted for me this year.

Just like that, he opened the door for housing, a new car and most importantly, a new job. Why don't you just blow my socks off in a weeks time.

(ALL THIS AND I WENT TO A HANSON FREAKING CONCERT. I am pretty sure that kept me sane this week. Clare, CHEERS TO YOU.)

While I know this is directly about food, I wanted to take some time to thank you again from the very bottom of my heart. It swells every time I think of one of your faces. I am the luckiest woman in the whole wide world.

I love you and miss you all.

sunrises and huge cups of coffee.

Goodness gracious, great balls of FIRE. Life is in full swing and let me tell you I've had to hold on for dear life. There has been a lot of changes within my job and as of now, I'm working in a high school Emotionally Impaired classroom at a larger high school about a half hour away from my house. Whew. I don't think I've been this tired in a very long time. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love being busy, feeling like I have a purpose, and of course BEING A TEACHER but the change from doing much of nothing to having absolutely no down time. WHOAAA. I'm a tired girl. 


Which means I've wanted little or nothing to do with exercising. I'm inspired by my mom who has lost a total of 60 pounds since February. She is looking so freaking hot I can't even stand it. When she gets home, she literally puts her shoes right on and starts walking. She says that if she sits down, she won't get back up. I'm the same way. I need to be more like her and be that go-getter. 


On the up and up, I am now back at the 20 pounds I lost this spring. CHAAAA-CHING. Now, I just really have to kick it into gear, watch what I'm eating and lose another 20. :) Keep me in your prayers. Until I see you, enjoy the sunrises and those big cups of coffee for me. 


Love you.